He Hates Me… And I Love Him


don’t try and pick me up
when I’m feelin’ down
’cause I like it that way

don’t even ask me why
’cause I’m not gonna be that guy
not this time
not today

I’m not crazy like you say
maybe it’s that way
never said this before
but I hate you

go ahead and let it out
tell me what this is all about
now that it’s all out on the table

do you understand?

go ahead and walk away
everything will be ok
I promise you this time I’ll make a difference

beyond my greatest fear
I’ll see you in another year
but we’re hoping for the best

don’t try and pick me up
when I’m feeling down

do you understand?
do you understand me?

Lyrics by TJ Mapes & Paul Friemel



Summer Tour Sampler


Written by:TJ Mapes
Lead Vocal:Paul Friemel
Back-up Vocal:Neil Kuhlman
Guitar:Jeff Langmaid
Neil Kuhlman
Bass:Paul Friemel
Drums:TJ Mapes
Recorded at:Twofish Studios – 7/26 – 7/27/2003
Appears on:Steps

Song Notes

– In 2003, as the band attempted to move one from the Put Your Heart Where Your Mouth Is era they inevitably ventured further into the ever-evolving emo scene and ultimately gave screaming a chance. He Hates Me… And I Love Him was a song TJ had been kicking around for quite some time before it was actually worked on enough to become a fully realized song.

– The title of the song was kind of a joke decided upon during the recording process. It may have been Jeff that put the final nail in the coffin and came up with the bi-curious title that was meant to make you think twice and say “wait a minute, who? what?” It would’ve been typical for a 2nd Best song to focus more on a the female side of life. So just who was hated and who was this he? How many dudes are we talking about? These and other mysteries will remain the stuff of 2nd Best legend.

– When 2nd Best took their trip to record three songs in two days at Twofish Studios in Mankato, MN, this song was not even 100% completely written!!! TJ didn’t have the lyrics to the final verse written and asked Paul to try to come up with something. So if you’ve ever wondered why the last verse seems stylistically a bit detached from the rest, that’s why. Paul’s other singular contribution was the ending where the chorus drops down to a lower note and he added “me” to the end of the “do you understand” pattern. Jeff gave a major assist by helping to construct the breakdown stop section before the last chorus.

– The final studio recorded turned out a little differently than how TJ had originally envisioned the song. A big part of this was due to a lot of it being finalized and written in the studio, but when it came time to sing the vocals, Paul had some trouble matching the rhythms of the words to the song. TJ did his best in the vocal booth to translate the actual sequencing of syllables and words for Paul but in the end, Paul’s natural interpretation of the lyrics is what came through. That is why some of the vocal syncopation may sound a bit odd, because it turned out as a bit of a bastardization of TJ’s original concept. Now we’re stuck with it!

– So just what is being screamed during the chorus sections? We’re here to set the record straight. Neil Kuhlman stepped up to the mic once again to provide screaming and high harmonies on this song. TJ knew he wanted screamed vocals during these sections but there was not any intentional lyrical content to compliment the lead vocals. The sound was meant to be almost instrumental and strengthen the tone and emotional vibe of the song. So Neil repeats “WHY?!” multiple times but the rest is just garble-dee-guck non-words. There is no off-the-record lyrics there, it’s just screaming. Case closed. Are you not entertained!?

– TJ originally wrote this song on guitar, even though he didn’t play one single guitar note on the recording. What a jack of all trades!

– Although mostly unknown, there were two infamous all-acoustic performances of He Hates Me… And I Love Him. Both performances were in early 2004 at La Boheme Bistro in Ames, IA. The Boheme hosted a standing open mic night every Sunday for Iowa State University college students and Ames locals alike. The freshly formed 4-piece 2nd Best took these opportunities to perform their first live songs since Paul had returned from studying abroad in the fall semester of 2003. During these performances, it was decided that all four members of the band would brandish acoustic guitars and create a wall of strings. They weren’t sure exactly how it would sound in that small intimate room, but recordings of the night indicate that magic was in the air and when the four guitars locked in sync, no one in the room could pay attention to anything else.

– Cam Houseman performed some of the back-up vocals on this song during the acoustic performances.

– This song tends to be considered one of 2nd Best’s darkest or most uneasy songs since some of their initial tracks on Is This For Real. It’s fast, it’s loud, and the lyrics aren’t exactly up-lifting.


2nd Best performs at the Great Hall of the Memorial Union at Iowa State University for the Greek Varities Show in 2004. This is one of the few performances with Cam Houseman and Dave Moore.
2nd Best’s first performance since 2003 at La Boheme’s open mic night in Ames, IA. 4 acoustic guitar attack! Sunday January 25, 2004.
Practice makes perfect.

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